........and with it comes more changes. There are days when I almost feel like my mother is "back". The days when she seems more "sociable", and she does things she used to always do. Then, reality slaps me in the face and I am once again reminded of the truth. I have watched my mother try to fold laundry and, at times, I just want to cry!! Something she has done nearly all of her life with simplicity and ease, has now become confusing and difficult. I can not begin to explain how it feels when I see her trying to wash a load of laundry, and it is apparent that she has no idea what she is doing. I have watched her put another scoop of detergent in, when it should've been fabric softener. Daddy had taken a load of clothes out of the washer one day, and put them in the clothes basket. He told her if she would put a load in the the washer, he would help her hang out the ones he had just taken out. He turned away for a minute, and when he looked back, she said, "I need somewhere to put these." She had poured detergent on the clothes in the basket. Those "little things" we always took for granted that she did, have evolved into "big things" we would rather do ourselves - and sometimes, the laundry gets done twice. There is just no way for us to be sure if she used detergent or not, unless we can "observe" without making it obvious to her. It just breaks my heart to see these things happening to my mother!!! The worst part of it all, I think, is knowing that she doesn't realize what she does - even when she is doing it.
There are also times when I feel like my mother is "lost". There is a certain look in her eyes and she seems to be million miles away..........this is when she seems more "detached" and "introverted". When she is like this, she is easily agitated. I notice she is also somewhat "defensive" and does not like affection. She normally will just sit on the couch the majority of the day. She doesn't say a lot to anybody. And, she actually seems to be "content", in a way.
I give her "space" when she is quiet and is not moving around much. I don't want to upset her or bother her. If she wants to talk to me, I will listen. I always try to make a point to include her in any conversation any of us may be having. Because there have been times that she would walk in on the tail-end of a conversation, and think we were "talking about her". I don't ever want her to feel like that, and I try to discourage any conversation that IS pertaining to her if there is a chance she may walk in or be close enough to hear. It is very common for someone with Alzheimer's to become "paranoid" and feel like everyone is ganging up on them.
I think I will stop here for now........I will post more soon.
***To my mother: I love you more than you could ever know. And, I promise to do everything I can to make the rest of your life the best it can possibly be. There is nothing I won't do for you!!!***
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