Well, I haven't been posting regularly as I had planned. I have been busier than normal, and have just not had the time to sit down long enough to post. I have also moved back in with Derek, as he is recovering from a broken femur and needed my help. I feel like I have "abandoned" my Dad at a time when he needs me, too. (Although, he would never admit it or ask for help from anyone.) While I am on the subject of my dad, let me just say this.......I believe with all my heart, that I have the most wonderful, amazing father in the world!!! Words can't begin to describe him. I am often told how much I look like him - that is pretty obvious. If only I could be told how much I am LIKE him - that would be such an honor. I may have some of his "traits", but, sadly, most of them are only in appearance. He has got to be the most "down to earth", patient, considerate and "in-control" person I know. He handles every situation the same - he doesn't make hasty decisions, and he considers the feelings of everyone involved. I value his advice & his perspective. I love you, Daddy!!!
Okay, I will get back to my post...........yesterday was Thanksgiving. For the last 6 years, this year included, I have spent Thanksgiving with Derek's family. My mother's family have been "gathering" at her sister's,(my aunt Marsha), since my mother decided she had done it at our house enough. There are 7 out of 9 children in Mother's family who are still living. So, when you add spouses, children, grandchildren & even great-grandchildren, that makes for a lot of people!! So, it had gotten to the point where it was just too much for Mother, so Aunt Marsha took over. (Thankful for her!!) And, thanks to my dad being a "geek", I was able to see the family pictures he took on Thanksgiving on his Facebook page and, in a sense, feel like I was there with them. Mother looked absolutely beautiful, as always. But, now, when I look at her, a part of her isn't there anymore. It is very difficult for me to try to explain, and believe me, I have tried. I miss her the way she WAS before Alzheimer's - she was the one who knew everything!!!! Birthdays, phone numbers, addresses, etc.....and there wasn't a recipe for anything she had ever cooked, that she couldn't tell you off the top of her head. I miss her cooking more and more as time goes by. Her homemade hot rolls on Sunday's were to die for!!! I have tried to make them several times, and although they weren't bad, they WEREN'T Mother's!!! I realize that I should've paid more attention to the things she did on a daily basis, so I would know - now that I can't ask her.
I can go on and on about what I "wish" I had done or asked her when I had the opportunity. But, as is true with most humans, in general, I took the things she did so willingly for granted. I guess I thought I had more time........but, unfortunately, I didn't. So, enjoy each moment with your parents, your family and your friends. Life is short and you never know what tomorrow holds. Learn as much as you can from your mother while you have the opportunity. Tomorrow, you may not have that chance.
Dad, Mother & me
Sept. 2010
November 26, 2010
October 14, 2010
It's going to be a great day.........
Well, I am looking forward to what the day has in store....Mother, Daddy & I are going to a couple of cemeteries in Frankston to look for some tombstones for "photo requests" I received on findagrave.com. We are going to eat lunch somewhere & get the oil changed in their car. Then, it's off to Tyler - I have an appointment at 4:00, and Daddy said they will go, too, & we will just "make a day out of it"!! He is so easy-going these days. (I still have vivid memories of the days when he was exactly the opposite most of the time!!) I hope it is a trait that will eventually "rub off" on me.
Yesterday (Wed.), when I saw Mother, she had just gotten out of the bathtub. She was coming towards me with her hands in position to "cup" my face, and there was a look of excitement on her face. She told me she didn't know what had happened to me. She said, "I thought you just about forgot who we were!" (It had only been 5 days since I had been there, & had just talked to her 2 days before on the telephone - she told me about the same thing then.) As long as she is happy to see me & still knows who I am, I will not worry so much about the fact that she doesn't remember how long it's been since she has seen me. I know the day will come when she no longer knows any of us - and I just try to make the most out of every day that she still does. (I am used to being called Waynette, Jaycie, & Morgan - and vice versa. But, it's always been that way, and understandably so!)
Anyway, I don't have a lot of time this morning, & I wanted to be sure & post today. I hope to do better & post more often, which was what I had planned when I began. But, as we all can attest, things happen that prevent what we plan from actually happening all the time. So, I will just vow to do what I can, when I can - I will post about our day soon, though. And, that is a promise.................
Until then, "DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY"!!!
Shanna
Yesterday (Wed.), when I saw Mother, she had just gotten out of the bathtub. She was coming towards me with her hands in position to "cup" my face, and there was a look of excitement on her face. She told me she didn't know what had happened to me. She said, "I thought you just about forgot who we were!" (It had only been 5 days since I had been there, & had just talked to her 2 days before on the telephone - she told me about the same thing then.) As long as she is happy to see me & still knows who I am, I will not worry so much about the fact that she doesn't remember how long it's been since she has seen me. I know the day will come when she no longer knows any of us - and I just try to make the most out of every day that she still does. (I am used to being called Waynette, Jaycie, & Morgan - and vice versa. But, it's always been that way, and understandably so!)
Anyway, I don't have a lot of time this morning, & I wanted to be sure & post today. I hope to do better & post more often, which was what I had planned when I began. But, as we all can attest, things happen that prevent what we plan from actually happening all the time. So, I will just vow to do what I can, when I can - I will post about our day soon, though. And, that is a promise.................
Until then, "DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY"!!!
Shanna
September 28, 2010
Everyday is a new day........
........and with it comes more changes. There are days when I almost feel like my mother is "back". The days when she seems more "sociable", and she does things she used to always do. Then, reality slaps me in the face and I am once again reminded of the truth. I have watched my mother try to fold laundry and, at times, I just want to cry!! Something she has done nearly all of her life with simplicity and ease, has now become confusing and difficult. I can not begin to explain how it feels when I see her trying to wash a load of laundry, and it is apparent that she has no idea what she is doing. I have watched her put another scoop of detergent in, when it should've been fabric softener. Daddy had taken a load of clothes out of the washer one day, and put them in the clothes basket. He told her if she would put a load in the the washer, he would help her hang out the ones he had just taken out. He turned away for a minute, and when he looked back, she said, "I need somewhere to put these." She had poured detergent on the clothes in the basket. Those "little things" we always took for granted that she did, have evolved into "big things" we would rather do ourselves - and sometimes, the laundry gets done twice. There is just no way for us to be sure if she used detergent or not, unless we can "observe" without making it obvious to her. It just breaks my heart to see these things happening to my mother!!! The worst part of it all, I think, is knowing that she doesn't realize what she does - even when she is doing it.
There are also times when I feel like my mother is "lost". There is a certain look in her eyes and she seems to be million miles away..........this is when she seems more "detached" and "introverted". When she is like this, she is easily agitated. I notice she is also somewhat "defensive" and does not like affection. She normally will just sit on the couch the majority of the day. She doesn't say a lot to anybody. And, she actually seems to be "content", in a way.
I give her "space" when she is quiet and is not moving around much. I don't want to upset her or bother her. If she wants to talk to me, I will listen. I always try to make a point to include her in any conversation any of us may be having. Because there have been times that she would walk in on the tail-end of a conversation, and think we were "talking about her". I don't ever want her to feel like that, and I try to discourage any conversation that IS pertaining to her if there is a chance she may walk in or be close enough to hear. It is very common for someone with Alzheimer's to become "paranoid" and feel like everyone is ganging up on them.
I think I will stop here for now........I will post more soon.
***To my mother: I love you more than you could ever know. And, I promise to do everything I can to make the rest of your life the best it can possibly be. There is nothing I won't do for you!!!***
There are also times when I feel like my mother is "lost". There is a certain look in her eyes and she seems to be million miles away..........this is when she seems more "detached" and "introverted". When she is like this, she is easily agitated. I notice she is also somewhat "defensive" and does not like affection. She normally will just sit on the couch the majority of the day. She doesn't say a lot to anybody. And, she actually seems to be "content", in a way.
I give her "space" when she is quiet and is not moving around much. I don't want to upset her or bother her. If she wants to talk to me, I will listen. I always try to make a point to include her in any conversation any of us may be having. Because there have been times that she would walk in on the tail-end of a conversation, and think we were "talking about her". I don't ever want her to feel like that, and I try to discourage any conversation that IS pertaining to her if there is a chance she may walk in or be close enough to hear. It is very common for someone with Alzheimer's to become "paranoid" and feel like everyone is ganging up on them.
I think I will stop here for now........I will post more soon.
***To my mother: I love you more than you could ever know. And, I promise to do everything I can to make the rest of your life the best it can possibly be. There is nothing I won't do for you!!!***
A Few Facts About Alzheimer's
** Alzheimer's Disease was first described in 1907 by Alois Alzheimer.
** Forty riders from the Alzheimer's Association Alzheimer's Breakthrough RideSM cycled onto Capitol Hill, presenting a petition containing more than 110,000 signatures demanding that our elected officials make Alzheimer's a national priority. September 21st is now recognized as "World Alzheimer's Day".
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** Every 70 seconds, someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At 65, the risk of dementia is about 1%. By age 71, the risk rises to 14% - or about 1 out of 7 people. By age 85, 1 out of 2 people are likely to suffer from Alzheimer's.
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** In a recent study, out of 3325 individuals tested, blood samples showed that the odds of cognitive impairment due to Vitamin D deficiency were 42% higher. In severely deficient individuals, it was 394% higher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** Forty riders from the Alzheimer's Association Alzheimer's Breakthrough RideSM cycled onto Capitol Hill, presenting a petition containing more than 110,000 signatures demanding that our elected officials make Alzheimer's a national priority. September 21st is now recognized as "World Alzheimer's Day".
July 8, 2010
Poem about Alzheimer's (Author is Unknown)
Do not ask me to remember,
Don't try to make me understand;
Let me rest and know you're with me,
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I'm confused beyond your concept,
I am sad and sick and lost;
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me,
Do not scold or curse or cry;
I can't help the way I'm acting,
Can't be different 'though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone;
Please don't fail to stand beside me,
Love me 'til my life is done.
Don't try to make me understand;
Let me rest and know you're with me,
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I'm confused beyond your concept,
I am sad and sick and lost;
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me,
Do not scold or curse or cry;
I can't help the way I'm acting,
Can't be different 'though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone;
Please don't fail to stand beside me,
Love me 'til my life is done.
Taking one day at a time.......
Well, it has been several days since my last post. I had originally wanted to post daily, but somehow it seems that there isn't enough time in a day anymore!! I wanted to be sure to post why I have not been following through with my plan, & make sure that I am not neglecting this blog because it is very important to me. I will be posting a lot more later on today or this evening for sure. Lots of things to make note of lately.
July 1, 2010
Marilyn Sue Colley-Smith
My mother, Marilyn Sue Colley-Smith, 72 years of age, is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. It is a daily struggle for everyone involved. My dad, Wayne Smith, is her primary care-giver & has been by her side for 56 years this coming August. My mother was next to the oldest of 9 children. (6 girls/3 boys) She & my dad had 5 children - I am the youngest child. She has 4 grand-sons & 4 grand-daughters. One great grand-daughter & one great grand-son. She also helped in raising 2 of her grand-daughters, beginning when they were ages 4 & 18 months old. So, as you can conclude, she has spent just about all of her life taking care of everyone.
I have "dreaded" this happening since I was about 5 or 6 years of age. My dad's mother, my "Ma-ma", developed early signs of Alzheimer's at that time. But, back then, everyone called it "hardening of the arteries". It wasn't until later that Alzheimer's was introduced. I can still vividly remember the "episodes" she had. We had a breeze-way that separated her one room house from ours. She started out, as most do, repeating the same stories. Then, she would think she saw someone in my dad's barn or walking down the road in front of the house. We would have to walk to the barn with her & show her there was no one there. It progressed to her coming in from her house into my brothers' room to sleep at night. (There was an empty bed & it was the first room off the breeze-way.) She then started getting up & would come tell my dad that she needed to go home. Eventually, he told her to go get in the car & would drive down the road a bit & turn around & come back to our house. She would get out & go in my brothers' room & go to bed. So, needless to say, I was somewhat traumatized by all of this. I have worried about it as long as I can remember. **Ma-ma lived about 12 years with this heart wrenching disease. RIP Ma-ma!!!**
My mother's parents, my "Mama Colley & Pa", had Alzheimer's, as well. They both started showing signs at the same time. They were put in a nursing home & celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary while they were there. They started out in the nursing home in the same room. But, that didn't last too long, as Pa couldn't walk, for some unknown reason, & Mama Colley would try to untie the restraining straps they had on him to keep him from trying to get up. They didn't want him to fall. Mother went to the nursing home daily, & on Fridays, she helped the beautician in the beauty shop by washing the ladies hair for her. It was an all day job for them. Pa passed away in 2000, and Mama Colley passed away in 2002. I believe she grieved herself to death over Pa. She didn't know she was even here, but I know she could "feel" that he was gone. She weighed 57 pounds, and it was so hard to see her like that.
Mother always did so much for everyone else. Yet, I never once heard her complain. It became a way of life for her, and was just normalcy. So, when she began to show signs of Alzheimer's, it was not an easy thing for any of us to accept. (some more so than others, of course.) My dad, in my opinion, was the last one to accept it, & understandably so. But, he has accepted the fact now, and has done such a good job taking care of her. He lost his patience with her some, but I had him read a poem I thought would give him a different perspective of what was really going on with Mother. And, it did. He told me that he was really going to try harder in the future to keep his cool. I know that since he was the one who was constantly with her, it would be normal for him to get frustrated & eventually lose his patience. But, I also knew that,in the long run,she would stop talking completely if she "got in trouble" every time she did. I believe with all my heart that I have been able to be more patient with her because of the experiences I have had with elderly people, in general, not just ones with Alzheimer's.
I wanted to start this blog so that I could save things that Mother does daily, or weekly, that is due to Alzheimer's. I want to possibly share this with someone who will go through this & hopefully give them some "insight" about what to expect. **Each person is affected differently, so keep this is mind, also.**
Until next time,
Shanna
I have "dreaded" this happening since I was about 5 or 6 years of age. My dad's mother, my "Ma-ma", developed early signs of Alzheimer's at that time. But, back then, everyone called it "hardening of the arteries". It wasn't until later that Alzheimer's was introduced. I can still vividly remember the "episodes" she had. We had a breeze-way that separated her one room house from ours. She started out, as most do, repeating the same stories. Then, she would think she saw someone in my dad's barn or walking down the road in front of the house. We would have to walk to the barn with her & show her there was no one there. It progressed to her coming in from her house into my brothers' room to sleep at night. (There was an empty bed & it was the first room off the breeze-way.) She then started getting up & would come tell my dad that she needed to go home. Eventually, he told her to go get in the car & would drive down the road a bit & turn around & come back to our house. She would get out & go in my brothers' room & go to bed. So, needless to say, I was somewhat traumatized by all of this. I have worried about it as long as I can remember. **Ma-ma lived about 12 years with this heart wrenching disease. RIP Ma-ma!!!**
My mother's parents, my "Mama Colley & Pa", had Alzheimer's, as well. They both started showing signs at the same time. They were put in a nursing home & celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary while they were there. They started out in the nursing home in the same room. But, that didn't last too long, as Pa couldn't walk, for some unknown reason, & Mama Colley would try to untie the restraining straps they had on him to keep him from trying to get up. They didn't want him to fall. Mother went to the nursing home daily, & on Fridays, she helped the beautician in the beauty shop by washing the ladies hair for her. It was an all day job for them. Pa passed away in 2000, and Mama Colley passed away in 2002. I believe she grieved herself to death over Pa. She didn't know she was even here, but I know she could "feel" that he was gone. She weighed 57 pounds, and it was so hard to see her like that.
Mother always did so much for everyone else. Yet, I never once heard her complain. It became a way of life for her, and was just normalcy. So, when she began to show signs of Alzheimer's, it was not an easy thing for any of us to accept. (some more so than others, of course.) My dad, in my opinion, was the last one to accept it, & understandably so. But, he has accepted the fact now, and has done such a good job taking care of her. He lost his patience with her some, but I had him read a poem I thought would give him a different perspective of what was really going on with Mother. And, it did. He told me that he was really going to try harder in the future to keep his cool. I know that since he was the one who was constantly with her, it would be normal for him to get frustrated & eventually lose his patience. But, I also knew that,in the long run,she would stop talking completely if she "got in trouble" every time she did. I believe with all my heart that I have been able to be more patient with her because of the experiences I have had with elderly people, in general, not just ones with Alzheimer's.
I wanted to start this blog so that I could save things that Mother does daily, or weekly, that is due to Alzheimer's. I want to possibly share this with someone who will go through this & hopefully give them some "insight" about what to expect. **Each person is affected differently, so keep this is mind, also.**
Until next time,
Shanna
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