One day at a time.........

  Well, since my last post, many changes have taken place.  (I said I was going to do better & not have such time lapses between posts......I failed miserably!)  There are so many things going on & although it isn't a legitimate reason, simply an excuse, there just doesn't seem to be enough time in each day!! 
  Mother has gone down considerably the last year.  It is very heart-breaking to witness her decline.  Physically, she is beginning to get worse, & mentally, there are still some good days - they are just becoming fewer & farther between.  The "little" things we do without even giving a second's thought, are now the biggest things for her.  Many times, she doesn't know where the bathroom is.......so, either Daddy, myself or Jaycie, take her by the hand & lead her to the bathroom.  I always stay with her.  It is at these times, when the look in her eyes is one of total confusion.  She wanders around the house most of the day & it is obvious that she doesn't know where she is & not one thing seems "familiar" to her.  She has been saying she "needs to go home" for about 2 months or so now.  Bless her heart!!  She will ask if I know where Wade or C.L. are.  We try to change the subject & that has seemed to work for us thus far.  It hurts me so bad to see this horrible disease rob my mother, the one who could do ANYTHING, of everything she knew & enjoyed.   Through it all, she still has been able to hold on to the gentle, sweet spirit that has always been a part of her.  She doesn't argue or get angry, & she never complains.  Knowing that the worst is still yet to come, I AM thankful for all the wonderful years we all had with her.  And, I am going to continue to be by her side, for I know she never left mine!! 
  Just a thought to ponder:  If you are still blessed enough to have your mother, & she is healthy & still as you have always known her to be, please take the time to talk to her, ask her questions, & tell her how much you love her.  When it's too late, it is too late.  I just assumed there would be plenty of time for that, but I was wrong.  And for that, I have questions that will never be answered, because I didn't ask when I could have & should have.  We never know what tomorrow holds............take advantage of every opportunity you have to do the things you feel certain have no time limit.  And, please, pray that a cause & a cure will be found for Alzheimer's Disease!!!!

My Words For You

Sitting quietly, not really there,
All seeing eyes, yet vacant stare;
Mouth that moves but does not speak,
Words are whispered from one so weak.
Future fading in failing mind,
Sudden release would be so kind;
Confusion reigns all around,
Screaming out, yet not a sound.
Trapped inside a mind of pain,
Feeling nothing left to gain;
Please hear my voice, I’m still here,
With shaking hands and falling tears.
Remember me as I do you,
Remember all the good times too;
From deep inside please know this,
I cherish your embrace and kiss.
So until that day, when we part,
Always know you have my heart.

A little behind.......

Well, I haven't been posting regularly as I had planned.  I have been busier than normal, and have just not had the time to sit down long enough to post.  I have also moved back in with Derek, as he is recovering from a broken femur and needed my help.  I feel like I have "abandoned" my Dad at a time when he needs me, too.  (Although, he would never admit it or ask for help from anyone.)  While I am on the subject of my dad, let me just say this.......I believe with all my heart, that I have the most wonderful, amazing father in the world!!!  Words can't begin to describe him.  I am often told how much I look like him - that is pretty obvious.  If only I could be told how much I am LIKE him - that would be such an honor.  I may have some of his "traits", but, sadly, most of them are only in appearance.  He has got to be the most "down to earth", patient, considerate and "in-control" person I know.  He handles every situation the same - he doesn't make hasty decisions, and he considers the feelings of everyone involved.  I value his advice & his perspective.  I love you, Daddy!!! 

Okay, I will get back to my post...........yesterday was Thanksgiving.  For the last 6 years, this year included, I have spent Thanksgiving with Derek's family.  My mother's family have been "gathering" at her sister's,(my aunt Marsha), since my mother decided she had done it at our house enough.  There are 7 out of 9 children in Mother's family who are still living.  So, when you add spouses, children, grandchildren & even great-grandchildren, that makes for a lot of people!!  So, it had gotten to the point where it was just too much for Mother, so Aunt Marsha took over.  (Thankful for her!!)  And, thanks to my dad being a "geek", I was able to see the family pictures he took on Thanksgiving on his Facebook page and, in a sense, feel like I was there with them.  Mother looked absolutely beautiful, as always.  But, now, when I look at her, a part of her isn't there anymore.  It is very difficult for me to try to explain, and believe me, I have tried.  I miss her the way she WAS before Alzheimer's - she was the one who knew everything!!!!  Birthdays, phone numbers, addresses, etc.....and there wasn't a recipe for anything she had ever cooked, that she couldn't tell you off the top of her head.  I miss her cooking more and more as time goes by.  Her homemade hot rolls on Sunday's were to die for!!!  I have tried to make them several times, and although they weren't bad, they WEREN'T Mother's!!!  I realize that I should've paid more attention to the things she did on a daily basis, so I would know - now that I can't ask her.  

I can go on and on about what I "wish" I had done or asked her when I had the opportunity.  But, as is true with most humans, in general, I took the things she did so willingly for granted.  I guess I thought I had more time........but, unfortunately, I didn't.  So, enjoy each moment with your parents, your family and your friends.  Life is short and you never know what tomorrow holds.  Learn as much as you can from your mother while you have the opportunity.  Tomorrow, you may not have that chance.

It's going to be a great day.........

  Well, I am looking forward to what the day has in store....Mother, Daddy & I are going to a couple of cemeteries in Frankston to look for some tombstones for "photo requests" I received on  findagrave.com.  We are going to eat lunch somewhere & get the oil changed in their car.  Then, it's off to Tyler - I have an appointment at 4:00, and Daddy said they will go, too, & we will just "make a day out of it"!!  He is so easy-going these days.  (I still have vivid memories of the days when he was exactly the opposite most of the time!!)  I hope it is a trait that will eventually "rub off" on me.  
  Yesterday (Wed.), when I saw Mother, she had just gotten out of the bathtub.  She was coming towards me with her hands in position to "cup" my face, and there was a look of excitement on her face.  She told me she didn't know what had happened to me.  She said, "I thought you just about forgot who we were!"  (It had only been 5 days since I had been there, & had just talked to her 2 days before on the telephone - she told me about the same thing then.)  As long as she is happy to see me & still knows who I am, I will not worry so much about the fact that she doesn't remember how long it's been since she has seen me.  I know the day will come when she no longer knows any of us - and I just try to make the most out of every day that she still does.  (I am used to being called Waynette, Jaycie, & Morgan - and vice versa.  But, it's always been that way, and understandably so!)  
  Anyway, I don't have a lot of time this morning, & I wanted to be sure & post today.  I hope to do better & post more often, which was what I had planned when I began.  But, as we all can attest, things happen that prevent what we plan from actually happening all the time.  So, I will just vow to do what I can, when I can - I will post about our day soon, though.  And, that is a promise.................
  Until then, "DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY"!!!

  Shanna